Divine Questions #1
Behold, oh seekers of Chocolate Monkey Happiness, The first in a series of oh so holy (and oh so chocolatey!) documents that will guide you as you begin your journey in the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love. Don't so much read these edicts as much as let them melt in your mouth and fill your stomach with warm chocolate love. For the CoCML is truly the church that melts in your mouth, not in your hands.
Divine Question #1:
What is the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love?
It is believed that once, long ago, in the time before the dinosaurs, the Giant Chocolate Monkey walked the land. Everywhere his feet touched the ground he would leave a great chocolate puddle. Any creature who bathed in these great puddles would suddenly be filled with the wisdom of the universe and become one with all life in the cosmos. Of course, this was before the dinosaurs, so there weren't that many creatures on the Earth. There were maybe 7. But at least 3 of them bathed (or fell) in the chocolate puddles and recieved the universal wisdom (before drowning in the chocolate.) The other 4 creatures all agreed that the Chocolate Monkey was pretty cool. Thus the great Church of Chocolate Monkey Love was born.
Divine Question #2:
Wow. Is that story true???
Of course not. It's complete bullshit.
Divine Question #3:
Can I join the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love?
Sure thing. In fact, Everyone is already a member of the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love. Except for the real douchebags. Everyone else already has the love of the Chocolate Monkey inside of them. It feels kind of like an itch in your butt. Sit still and you'll feel it. See? There it is. That's not an infection, you've got the love of the Monkey in your butt!!! Unless you're one of the douchebags. Fuck the douchebags. No Monkey Love for them.
Divine Question #4:
Who leads the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love?
Nobody really leads the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love. But if you must have someone you can look to for guidance and wisdom, Commonwombat is the Grand Poo-Bah, and Miss Kendra is Grand Poo-Bess. They're not the boss of you or anything, but feel free to shower them with gifts. Also, Monkey is the official Spokesmonkey of the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love.
Divine Question #5:
Can I have a position of power in the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love? Or perhaps a cool title like "Spokesmonkey?"
Sure. Why not? Knock yourself out. All positions in the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love are self-appointed.
Divine Question #6:
It's getting really tiring saying "Church of Chocolate Monkey Love." Is there some sort of abreviation I could use?
Okay... How about "CoCML?" You can pronounce it "Cockmule." As in "Hey man, are you a member of the cockmule???"
Divine Question #7:
Cockmule? Do I have to say it like that?
Yeah. Tough it out.
Divine Question #8:
What are the basic tenets of the CoCML?
First of all, be ye not a total douchebag. Also, try to be nice to people. Don't judge, lest ye be a total douchebag. Also, if thee hast 3 cookies, thou must give at least 1 cookie to someone who has no cookies. We call that the "3 Cookie Rule." If you want, you could shorten it to "Don't be a douchebag and hog all the cookies."
Divine Question #9:
How does this blog work?
If you would like to become a member of the CoCML, Simply say so, and the Grand Poo-Bah or Grand Poo-Bess will authorize you to post here. (At leats that's the idea... We haven't actually put it into practice yet... Just because the Poo-bah and Poo-Bess are infallable doesn't mean they don't make mistakes...) The CoCML should be a place for everyone to share their love of the Chocolate Monkey.
Divine Question #10:
Hey I just thought of something... How does the CoCML -
No more questions for today. The Grand Poo-Bah is tired. He must rest. And possibly masturbate.
Divine Question #1:
What is the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love?
It is believed that once, long ago, in the time before the dinosaurs, the Giant Chocolate Monkey walked the land. Everywhere his feet touched the ground he would leave a great chocolate puddle. Any creature who bathed in these great puddles would suddenly be filled with the wisdom of the universe and become one with all life in the cosmos. Of course, this was before the dinosaurs, so there weren't that many creatures on the Earth. There were maybe 7. But at least 3 of them bathed (or fell) in the chocolate puddles and recieved the universal wisdom (before drowning in the chocolate.) The other 4 creatures all agreed that the Chocolate Monkey was pretty cool. Thus the great Church of Chocolate Monkey Love was born.
Divine Question #2:
Wow. Is that story true???
Of course not. It's complete bullshit.
Divine Question #3:
Can I join the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love?
Sure thing. In fact, Everyone is already a member of the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love. Except for the real douchebags. Everyone else already has the love of the Chocolate Monkey inside of them. It feels kind of like an itch in your butt. Sit still and you'll feel it. See? There it is. That's not an infection, you've got the love of the Monkey in your butt!!! Unless you're one of the douchebags. Fuck the douchebags. No Monkey Love for them.
Divine Question #4:
Who leads the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love?
Nobody really leads the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love. But if you must have someone you can look to for guidance and wisdom, Commonwombat is the Grand Poo-Bah, and Miss Kendra is Grand Poo-Bess. They're not the boss of you or anything, but feel free to shower them with gifts. Also, Monkey is the official Spokesmonkey of the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love.
Divine Question #5:
Can I have a position of power in the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love? Or perhaps a cool title like "Spokesmonkey?"
Sure. Why not? Knock yourself out. All positions in the Church of Chocolate Monkey Love are self-appointed.
Divine Question #6:
It's getting really tiring saying "Church of Chocolate Monkey Love." Is there some sort of abreviation I could use?
Okay... How about "CoCML?" You can pronounce it "Cockmule." As in "Hey man, are you a member of the cockmule???"
Divine Question #7:
Cockmule? Do I have to say it like that?
Yeah. Tough it out.
Divine Question #8:
What are the basic tenets of the CoCML?
First of all, be ye not a total douchebag. Also, try to be nice to people. Don't judge, lest ye be a total douchebag. Also, if thee hast 3 cookies, thou must give at least 1 cookie to someone who has no cookies. We call that the "3 Cookie Rule." If you want, you could shorten it to "Don't be a douchebag and hog all the cookies."
Divine Question #9:
How does this blog work?
If you would like to become a member of the CoCML, Simply say so, and the Grand Poo-Bah or Grand Poo-Bess will authorize you to post here. (At leats that's the idea... We haven't actually put it into practice yet... Just because the Poo-bah and Poo-Bess are infallable doesn't mean they don't make mistakes...) The CoCML should be a place for everyone to share their love of the Chocolate Monkey.
Divine Question #10:
Hey I just thought of something... How does the CoCML -
No more questions for today. The Grand Poo-Bah is tired. He must rest. And possibly masturbate.
posted by CommonWombat at 6:55 PM
4 Comments:
o grand poo-bah and/or poo-bess...
what does a non-douchebag type person, such as myself, have to do to get in on the crazy monkeiness of cockmule... i mean CoCML... no i meant cockmule.
besides with the cookies and stuff cuz i can't send um to you... or i could but they'd be mouldy and half eaten by then (by gnomes)
Thus spaketh the Grand Poo-Bah:
Oh, Me, who seeketh the love of the great Chocolate Monkey, Thou must giveth of thy email address, so that thee may be invited into the kingdom of heaven, and by that, I mean "made a posting member of this site."
Email me at cocmlpoobah@gmail with your email address and you (ahem I mean thee) shall recieve an invite to join.
No tribute is required. Although if you want to send the Poo-Bess cookies, That would be okay.
Cockmule!!
I say it loud and I say it proud.
this rules.
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